Jump

cliff-jumping

Blind dates are kind of like cliff jumping.

I’ve done the online dating thing off and on for a few years and I basically hate it. I mean, I know there’s no one with a gun to my head telling me to go on eHarmony or suffer the consequences. But sometimes I feel like, “Why not? Why not just try?” I am curious enough about it to be uncomfortable.

And sometimes Jesus does things in me and around me that make me uncomfortable.

I hate the feeling of not being in control, of the unknown, and I’ll be darned if that’s the very thing that happens when you choose to meet people you’ve interacted with online. You see a person you like, chat for a little bit and decide to meet, because what if that guy looks all fun holding his niece in that picture but really has a third ear? Meeting a stranger who you might want to date is just part of the deal.

But the anticipation of going on a blind date feels like walking very closely to the edge of a cliff.

It reminds me of when we used to jump off the cliffs at Smith Mountain Lake when I was a teenager. I hated it because I’m afraid of heights, but I loved it too. I knew I couldn’t just sit in the boat watching other people jump, always wondering what it’d be like. I’m sure there are plenty of people who think, “Oh no, that’s crazy, I never want to do that.” They are perfectly content cheering on others from the safety of the boat. I agree that it is somewhat senseless, but I always wanted to do it just enough to be uncomfortable.

When I’d finally work up the courage, I’d get out of the boat, swim to the rocks and start climbing. Once at the top, I’d look down and be almost paralyzed with fear. Why did the cliffs seem so much higher from up here, the water so much further away, the boat so small? But I knew I had to jump. What was the alternative? Climbing back down? I’m sure no one would have faulted me for changing my mind, seeing that some of them would still agree that it’s crazy to want to jump in the first place.

I would stand there, knees knocking, heart pounding, thinking about all the things that could go wrong: What if I don’t jump out far enough and hit the rocks on the way down? What if I land strangely and it hurts like hell? What if I…die?! (Ok, that last one might be a bit dramatic, but I’m pretty sure it made an appearance on the list)

But eventually I would take a deep breath and take the leap. When I finally stepped out and fell to the water, it was exhilarating. The water would catch me, cool and refreshing, and I would bob right back up to the surface after plunging below. And I would be smiling.

Sometimes I’m not always smiling after a blind date, but I’m always glad I took the leap. Because afterwards I have a more complete, albeit still imperfect, picture of a person and can move forward from there.

I imagine sweet Jesus as the calm water waiting below, cool and refreshing, waiting to catch me.

He’s the friend that turns to me, grabs my hand, smiles and jumps with me.

Categories: dating, musings | Leave a comment

Back again

So…that last post was a long time ago. Over two years actually. So much life has happened since then!

I’m thinking of returning to the blog, but I stop myself sometimes and wonder, “why start blogging again because who really cares what I have to say or think?” True. I’m not particularly eloquent or wise or well-known.

But I read a post by a great writer and she said this:

I’ve had a post rattling in my head for months now…but I felt like I had nothing to say that hadn’t already been said 18,494 times. But then I remembered my own advice that I give people when they tell me they don’t want to blog because everything’s already been said—yes, but we haven’t heard you say it, and if you feel called to write it, the world needs you to have said it (both because you’ll say it differently than what we’ve yet heard, and because it’ll change you for the better).

Maybe there are things I have to say that are worth saying because they’re from me.

Maybe I just like writing.

Maybe it’s just fun to have a place to record musings and nuggets from different seasons of life.

Maybe I’m a narcissist and just like to listen to my own voice.

All of those are probably true on some level. Whatever my motivation, here I am, back again. I hope – as I hope for most things in my life – that it is done with intention and thoughtfulness, that it brings glory to the One who created me.

Plus, it’s fun. And I kinda like it.

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worth a thousand words

Happy New Jeers!

I’ve decided to take a picture every day this year…my sister did it a couple of years ago and I thought it was awesome. It’ll be fun to look back on little snippets from each day of 2012.

You can follow the picture year on my flickr site (the link will stay on the sidebar to the right —–>), but here’s a taste of what’s coming:

January 1: today was wonderful and relaxing. went for a jog, cleaned the house, and worked on my puzzle while listening to good music and drinking tea. simply lovely. oh, and watched Love Actually with my roommate (yes, I know every line and may have seen it 5 times in the theater in London while I was studying abroad…”oooooo, would we call her chubby??”)

I like this life.

P.S. still working on the index card/calendar/journal thing…where the heck do you find those fruit boxes? I’ll probably just have to write things down in a notebook until I can find the supplies. not worried about it and still like that idea a lot.

P.P.S. every time I watch Love Actually I want to learn Portuguese. just saying.

Categories: new beginnings, perfect days | Leave a comment

2012, I think I’m ready for you

So I was thinking about moving blog homes, but decided that required more work than I felt like putting into it. And so I’ve just changed the format a little (once again) and given it a new years facelift. My ideas about blogging have changed a bit – instead of a place where I dump all my thoughts every now and then, I want it to be a place where I share things that have stumbled across my path and caught my eye (music, art, stories). Some things might be short, others a bit longer, but hopefully more of a consistent reflection of my life at this moment in time.

For example, here’s something I saw on pinterest that I’m considering doing this year.

Part calendar, part journal…a creative way to reflect on the days and years. You have the day of the year on an index card and each year write something you did that day. After a few years, it’ll be neat to see what transpired. I like to reflect and this seems simple (I need more simplicity in my life).

P.S. I’m holding off on starting a pinterest page because my mind can’t handle so many social networking sites (facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, etc…oy).

Also thinking about doing a picture a day…I’ll keep you posted.

Anyway, looking forward to 2012 and hopeful for what it holds. I see exciting things up ahead (hint: the thing a step beyond undergrad). More to come, stay tuned!

Categories: new beginnings | 1 Comment

Not so in haste, my heart…

Not so in haste, my heart!
Have faith in God and wait;
Although He linger long,
He never comes too late.

He never cometh late;
He knoweth what is best;
Vex not thyself in vain;
Until he cometh, rest.

Until He cometh, rest,
Nor grudge the hours that roll;
The feet that wait for God
Are soonest at the goal.

Are soonest at the goal
That is not gained by speed;
Then hold thee still, my heart,
For I shall wait His lead.

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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