To Winter

This might not be the general consensus, but I’m going to throw it out there anyway:

I like Winter.

In general…

1) I’d rather be cold than hot.

2) I love love winter holidays. I mean, Christmas. Come on.

3) I enjoy any reason to hole up in my house, curled up on the couch under a blanket, sipping a warm drink with plenty of snacks nearby as I either read a novel or watch yummy movies.

4) I don’t like to be hot (did I already say that?).

I love Spring and Summer for all the obvious reasons – cook outs and cold drinks, beaches and pools, festivals and walks downtown, birthdays and sandals.

And yet, it surprised me this year that I wasn’t quite ready for the seasons to change from cold to warm. The thought first came to me a month or so ago when the first hints of Spring arrived and found myself wanting Winter to stay a little longer. I thought, Huh, that’s interesting. Haven’t felt that before. I might love Winter.

As I sat on my front steps in the sunshine and cool air, I felt an ache for the end of one season and some apprehension for the beginning of the next.

You see, a lot of change is on the horizon. In fact, Phase 1 started today: my dear friend Melanie moved to Colorado.

Phase 2: My roommate and close friend Linda gets married in June.

Phase 3: I leave Winston, my home for the past 5 years, and move to Greensboro while I finish up grad school.

It’s a lot of transition and it has left me feeling tender and longing for the familiar, for sameness. So as I sat outside that day and felt the seasons changing, I wanted to shout, No! Not yet, I’m not ready! I wanted Winter to stay a little longer, to force me back inside and to the comfort of my warm home. I wanted to slow time and even make it stand still.

But it didn’t and here I am, sitting in shorts and a t-shirt, excited about what’s to come. I knew my heart would catch up eventually.

The end of the season of Winston-Salem and changes in some friendships is bittersweet. It’s natural and good, but it’s hard. Even though different times of my life here have been lonely and painful, and Winter this year was harsh and cold, it was also sweet and lovely and healthy, like crisp air on a January morning. The bitter and the sweet mingled together to form a beautiful song.

So Winter, thanks for coming and reminding me that cold can be beautiful, refreshing and necessary. I know you can’t stay, and I’m glad for that, but you did something in me this year that moved me. You let me grieve and cry and wait and be still. You prepared my heart for laughter and newness. And I will always be grateful.

Categories: musings, seasons | 1 Comment

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