Messy room, messy heart

I’ve realized that the state of my room directly correlates to the state of my heart. It’s become more and more apparent to me lately that when my room is in a state of disarray it is usually because my soul is as well.

I would like to look at my messy room and say to myself, “Eh, that’s just the way I am – I’m messy.” But that’s just not true. It doesn’t really hold up under argument. Because yes, I can be messy and I’m definitely not a germ-a-phob, so I can stand for things to be less than spotless. But I don’t like clutter and disorganization. I don’t like it when things are out of place or just…messy. For example, I was a substitute teacher last week in an 8th grade classroom and the teacher was not very organized. There were just piles of stuff everywhere! Gah, it bothered me. But I was only there for a day, so I got over it. I just like it when things are neat and I do a pretty good job of keeping my desk and work space tidy. Basically I’ve concluded that I’m not a messy person at heart. I like order.

So that’s why when my room looks like it just survived Hurricane Katrina, I know something is up. Isn’t it funny how our hearts can get cluttered and weighed down without us realizing it? Just like my room. The mess starts small: I leave the bed unmade, put some clothes on a chair that eventually end up on the floor, try on 5 different shirts in the morning and throw them on the floor…then before I know it, I can’t even see the floor. And the mess bothers me, but I don’t have the desire to do anything about it. It’s the same with how I feel on the inside – sometimes something will happen that’s mildly upsetting and, instead of dealing with it right away, I throw it on the floor of my mind. Feelings and emotions that need to be addressed accumulate, but I don’t have the energy or will to do anything about them. Then before I know it, I break down or blow up over something small and realize that it really is just about my messy heart.

This is helpful for me to realize because when my room starts to get cluttered, it’s a sign to me that something is amiss. It makes me see that I need to stop and deal with whatever is building up inside. I’m not very good at this yet, but I hope that I can learn to keep my heart tidy on a regular basis. Because it’s really just a much better environment to live in. When my room is clean, I breathe a sigh of relief and feel like something has been put right again. And when I’ve taken all of the piles of junk that littered the floor of my heart and mind to the Lord, I feel like something bigger has been put right again and my soul can rest.

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