I feel like a lot of times I have a hard time seeing the forest for the trees. I get so focused on something particular in my life that I can’t see the bigger picture. Does that happen to you?
Right now my life doesn’t look like I thought it would. I’m working in an office part time and waiting for God to show me what’s next. But I feel like that perspective is wrong. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I should do next or what career to pursue – should I go back to teaching? Should I go back to school? What about full-time ministry? I think I’m missing something in this pursuit for a career. I don’t know why I want so badly for something to define me. I want to be able to say, “I’m Kate and I’m a _______.” Like somehow who I am is directly correlated to what job I have.
In the quest for “what-should-I-do-with-my-life,” I’m missing that I’m living life right now. This is my life! I’m working for a mission I’m passionate about, with people I love, and I’m ministering to high school girls. Isn’t this what I’ve wanted? I’d say yes, it is. Now, I have no idea what God will call me into in the future, but I think I need to stop worrying so much about what’s next. It’s like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop when maybe the whole point is to learn how to live for NOW. We are not promised tomorrow.
It all comes back to the biggest thing God has been teaching me in the last year – to have my identity be in Him and Him alone. I want to stand on nothing less than Jesus and His love for me. My job does not define me. The Lord does. He created me and being a part of His family is the only identity I’ll ever need to have. Jesus loves me, this I know. Oh, may I learn more and more every day that this is enough and what life is all about. It’s hard because, when we’re young, we use all kinds of things to define us. I can think of a lot of things I used to hang my hat on – sports, good grades, drama, being a good kid, humor. But as I get older I realize that these things don’t hold up under the weight of the world. There are people who are better at all these things than I am. I can’t base my identity on what I can do. One of my friends said this is the passage from childhood into adulthood – realizing that the only thing that defines us is Christ. We have to let the Lord strip everything away until we realize that the only thing that matters is that we are children of the King.
WOW. Just think about that for a minute.
I want to know this at the core of my being. I want to say every day of my life – and believe it – “Hi, I’m Kate, and I’m God’s.” Period. Amen.